I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
