New low: just hacked my moms facebook
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
