i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
