Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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