Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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