I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dicks are not precious.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
