your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
