I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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