is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
