I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
