i need an iv and a liver transplant
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
