where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
