i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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