Apparently you make a good broom.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
