just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
