Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
