My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
