At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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