Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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