thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
