two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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