I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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