My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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