if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
