everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
