why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
