Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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