I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
