we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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