tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
