Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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