I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
