Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
