Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw a hot homeless man
id be glad to
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
