Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
