The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
