I can tuck mytits in my pants
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
