I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
