Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
