No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
