is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
