Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
