There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
