nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
