Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
