Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
