I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Alive.
So much puke
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm too high and old for this...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
