Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
