The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
