haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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