Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
