I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
