He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
