What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
