If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
