ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
